the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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