Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
