on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
