I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize