Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
