I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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