the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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