these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
