Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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