What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
