dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
