i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
