If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
