My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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