I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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