He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
