i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
