I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
