phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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