remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
