I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So squirting runs in the family.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
