Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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