Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
