i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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