Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
