I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
