Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
