I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You can't special order awesome
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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