I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
