Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
