I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
