I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
