There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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