Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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