my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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