I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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