we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
