someone threw a dead crab at me
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
