just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
