Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
