would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
