party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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