We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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