Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
