I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize