i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
