I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
They are going to name an STD after you.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
there is glitter all over my balls
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