Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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