I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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