Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
