I skipped work to stalk him.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
