he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Randomize
