Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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