i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
