things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
