Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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