Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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