oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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