I need help removing her.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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