Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
