I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
