PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
