Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
