I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's official drugs can't kill me
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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