hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
it's great music for shaving your balls
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
