dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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