Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
