very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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