Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
