so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
