fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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