PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
