Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
