I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
