You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
