i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
