uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
A bitchslap is in order.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
