Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize