Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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