Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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