A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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