It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
