I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
