Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
