you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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