Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
