i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
