a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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